When the libido passes from the platonic to the erotic stage, the adolescent develops an interest in the intimate side of the sex relationship, erotic literature, and photographs of erotic content.
In works of fiction, teens love the description of dating scenes and declarations of love. An adult in these descriptions may not find a hint of sexuality, but they excite the imagination of the teenager and encourage him to erotic fantasies.
This interest can, like an epidemic, spread in a team of teenagers with normal psychosexual development. Only children with a delay in psychosexual development and hormonal deficiency remain indifferent to him.
The erotic stage is expressed in the desire for tenderness and affection – gentle words and touches. According to sexologists, “this stage, which is extremely characteristic for the development of female sexuality, is alien to the nature of the vast majority of young men and is more often observed in them with delays in psychosexual development.”
In the presence of vivid erotic fantasizing and interest, the erotic stage of libido formation is considered to have occurred only when realized with a partner. Only a stable implementation completes the formation of the erotic stage.
At the erotic stage, the realization of libido most often happens without orgasm. This causes frustration (a feeling of dissatisfaction, discontent). But at this stage, domestic sex therapists regard frustration as a progressive phenomenon that prompts further action and forms a transition to the sexual stage.
But there can be forms of erotic realization, supported by an orgasm, for example, petting (friction by the genitals of two partners with the onset of sexual discharge) or masturbation – a surrogate form of sexual activity with an autoerotic orientation (sexual attraction is directed toward itself) or masturbation is accompanied by erotic fantasies, in which the object of attraction is present, or there may be unrealistic fantasies containing deviations from normal sexuality.
If such forms of libido realization, accompanied by orgasm, are practiced for a long time, then there may be a delay in the formation of libido.
If there is a long delay in the formation of libido, then sexual fantasy is no longer intertwined in the erotic stage. There may be a fixation on such distorted forms of its realization, supported by orgasm, and as a result of this – various sexual deviations (sexual deviations) and perversions (sexual perversions – for example, narcissism). And here already the erotic stage of libido merges with the sexual one.
The realization of attraction may be related to a specific situation or subject. For example, a teenager was caught masturbating, and he experienced a strong orgasm. This associative connection is fixed, and later ordinary masturbation does not satisfy him anymore and he tries to masturbate in public, a sexual perversion is formed – exhibitionism.
Or a teenager masturbates next to some object, which turned out to be nearby by accident, but his orgasm is associated with this object, and subsequently fetishism (sexual arousal at the sight of certain objects – clothes, underwear and other things) can form.
While there is no realization and confirmation of the teenager’s fantasies, he seems to “hang” between the stages of libido – between the platonic realization and the erotic stage, between the erotic realization and the formation of sexual desire.
Parents should know that if a teenage son walks in an embrace with a girl and kisses her, then there is nothing to worry about. This is the normal behavior characteristic of the erotic stage of libido. That is, in this case, there is a realization of an erotic libido with a girl, which indicates the correct psychosexual development of your son. Such bodily contact (hugs, kisses, dances) is quite enough for many teenagers, and they do not even think about sexual intimacy.
But some parents, seeing their son kissing or hugging on the street with a girl, are horrified and accuse him of “debauchery.” In fact, he may not have any “dirty” thoughts in which parents accuse the teenager. Kisses and hugs, and even more so in public, just indicate that this is still the erotic stage of libido.
Teenagers who live sexually have already passed the erotic stage, so they do not exchange for such a “trifle” as kisses. Unlike adults who see a preliminary erotic game in their arms and kisses, and for whom this is a necessary prelude to intimacy, adolescents, when they have a desire for intimacy and an erection, try to immediately realize it. A teenager who already has experience in intimate relationships will retire with the girl in the apartment while her parents are at work, or hide with her partner in basements, attics, porches, or other secluded places where you can have sex, but will not kiss the girl on the street, as he is already “uninteresting”.
Therefore, if parents find their son kissing or hugging with a girl, then do not be indignant. Craving for the opposite sex at this age is quite natural. And the desire for bodily contact at the erotic level, too. The main thing is that an early interest in intimacy does not appear when the libido is not yet formed, and physically, psychologically and socially, the teenager is not yet ready for a full sexual life.
The sensuality of a teenager is not yet developed, he knows little not only about the culture of sex, but also about his needs and the needs of his partner, does not feel her sexual reaction – and what a sexual reaction a teenage girl can be! The sensuality of a woman blooms only by the age of 25, or even later. Therefore, the first sexual intercourse of a teenager is in a hurry, ejaculation can occur even before the introduction of the penis or after several frictions, and the teenager is embarrassed that he was “disgraced”.
Failure of the first sexual experience can form an inferiority complex in a teenager and completely discourage the taste for sex even in adulthood. All kinds of sexual disorders (lack of sexual desire, weak erection, premature ejaculation) follow from here.
If a teenager is afraid to repeat his unsuccessful sexual experience, then later on the sexual attraction may take perverted forms, and the young man, and later the man, may find another object of attraction (an animal, fetish, or a person of his gender who will be more lenient towards him). Accordingly, a variety of sexual perversions can form – narcissism, fetishism, exhibitionism, frotterism, homosexuality, bestiality, pedophilia, gerontophilia and others.
In order to prevent this from happening, to prevent the early onset of sexual activity and all the undesirable consequences of this, parents need to engage in sexual education of their son before the formation of the erotic stage of libido in him.
Parents need to begin sex education of the child as early as possible so that he does not have an opinion that this is a forbidden topic, which will only increase his curiosity.
If you overcome your false prejudices that “it’s too early for the child to know”, if you are able to establish a confidential contact with him and can speak freely about sexual education, and he, in turn, will tell you what he heard from his peers, and you if you can refute these false ideas, then you will save him from many mistakes, and yourself from big disappointments.
You should not think that your child knows anything about sex. He knows a lot, but not everything he needs to know, and most importantly, he incorrectly interprets his knowledge.
No matter how hard you try, you cannot save your son from this information. It is worth turning on the TV, and he can see the erotic scene in the movie. They are now shown at any time. If you close your eyes to your son or order to leave the room during an erotic scene, then this will cause the opposite effect, he will be interested, and the next time he will watch TV when you are not at home.
Now we have published many erotic publications, newspapers, magazines, where there are photographs that will surely attract the attention of your son. On the shelves of street stalls, he can see and leaf through erotic magazines. Your home may have some of them. A child can view photos and read articles whose meaning he will not understand if you have not explained to him before. Therefore, he interprets them in his own way.
Therefore, the best thing for parents is not to try to save the child from the flow of information – you cannot do this – but to direct the perception and processing of this information in the right direction.
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