More than once I had to read in the press the advice of psychologists on family problems and the interpretation of many behavioral and sexual disorders from the perspective of psychology, although it is clear to me, as a psychiatrist, that we are talking about psychopathology, and psychological justification in such cases is simply meaningless. Accordingly, the recommendations of psychologists are incorrect, since they are focused on a mentally healthy person, and we are talking about a person with a mental illness.

For example, the press often publishes articles by psychologists about men that no woman can keep. Such a man first takes care of a woman, enters into an intimate relationship with her, meets for a while, a woman becomes attached to him, loves him and hopes that he will marry over time, and he suddenly disappears from her life without any explanation, does not call or avoids meeting , although they did not quarrel and everything was fine with them, or they continue to meet, but he categorically does not want to marry, and the woman becomes aware that in the past her lover had many similar love relationships, but he didn’t have any women not married.

Psychologists explain the behavior of such a man (psychologists call him “evading”, “fugitive”, “intimophobia”) from psychoanalytic positions – once in the distant childhood, an emotionally unstable single mother either caressed her son, was cold and even aggressive with him , or once a girl or woman inflicted such an offense on him, which he is unable to forget, therefore does not trust women.

In fact, all the manifestations of the behavior of such a man have their own names and their psychiatric characteristics. And there’s absolutely no need to “open the bicycle” and come up with new terms for such men, when everything has been described in psychiatry for a long time.

To unite all these men only on one single sign – unwillingness to have a long relationship with a woman and create a family – is also inappropriate.

This is a combined group of men with an emotional defect, which manifests itself in many other areas and may be the result of many mental illnesses.

The most common reason that a man cannot feel a long-term attachment to a woman is psychopathy, in which there are both emotional and volitional disorders.

Inability to long-term attachment may also be a consequence of mental infantilism – a mismatch between mental and emotional development of age, when an adult behaves like a spoiled teenager, not being able to build normal interpersonal relationships.

Fear of marriage can be associated with a delay in psychosexual development, and with a slowdown in puberty.

There may be a transformation of the sexual role, when a “feminine” man, having met with a strong-willed woman, is afraid of her and runs away from her.

A man’s unwillingness to marry his mistress can also be associated with his sexual dysfunctions, when, with rare dates, the man’s potency suffices for more or less satisfactory sexual contacts, but he is not sure that in a marriage that involves regular sex life, he will cope with such a burden. This may be due to sexual neurosis.

Unwillingness to enter into a heterosexual marriage may be the result of latent homosexuality, which the man himself does not even suspect or he knows, but hides and therefore does not want to connect his life with a woman. Such a man may be bisexual, that is, he may be attracted to both men and women. The reason for such a woman’s inexplicable behavior for a man may be that her lover suffers from schizophrenia.

That is, the reasons for this behavior, when a man meets a woman for a long time, but does not want to marry her, or “escapes” at the first “danger” that they will “tie him up” by marriage, is a great many, and this is not the whole list mental disorders and diseases, in which there may be a reluctance to start a family.

Moreover, the mother’s behavior in the distant childhood of a man, even if she really was an unbalanced woman, may not have anything to do with his underlying illness.

Even if some girl or woman really offended such a man in the past (if this is not just a figment of his imagination, to explain to his current mistress the unwillingness to marry the consequences of such a “personal drama”), it’s hard to imagine that normal, mentally healthy a man will remember this and suffer 20-30 years!

Only a mentally handicapped man can relate to such a fact of overvaluation (that is, giving him undeservedly much attention). This event can be fixed and take shape in an overvalued idea.

A normal man, for some time, may suffer if resentment really deserves to be so worried, but sooner or later he will forget or the experience will lose its severity, because, as you know, the best cure for love is a new love.

But so that 40-50-year-old men, who are cited as an example of a typical “intimophobe,” are afraid to marry only because they remember all their lives how their mother was uneven about him at the age of 3-8 or abandoned him at 16-18 beloved girl – incredible. This can only be explained from the perspective of psychiatry, having established the main mental illness in him, the consequence of which was his emotional inferiority.

Psychologists give girls and women various recommendations on how to “tie to such a man” or “keep him at a distance” so as not to show him their feelings, since psychologists believe that as soon as such a man feels that he is becoming attached to a woman, he is here throws her away.

And from the perspective of a psychiatrist, women should stay away from such men as far as possible, and best of all, avoid any relationship with men who have an emotional defect. Why – it will be shown further.

Many men of 40-45 years of age who have never been married are most often emotionally inferior if they have never been able to get carried away enough to marry. They can have a variety of mental disorders and diseases, most often, psychopathy and schizophrenia. Therefore, the “old bachelor” is not a very successful candidate, which must be tried to keep and for which a woman should strive to marry, even if he is financially in good order.

It can be assumed that the “old bachelors” are not happy and sexually, as men with a strong sexual desire are more likely to lose their head from a woman and do not choose a wife for some reason, but marry the one to whom they are attracted .