Socio-psychological factors largely determine the stability of marriage in general and the nature of intimate relationships. The development of sexual disharmony predisposes the discrepancy between the character traits of the spouses, their emotional immaturity, infantilism and dependence on the opinions of others, disappointment in the partner’s personal qualities and increasing negative emotions towards him (for example, after cheating on a spouse or having a new hobby of his own, when drunk or permanent employment at work, etc.), the impossibility of the realization in the marriage of the need for self-affirmation. The negative role is played by the lack of mutual agreement on issues related to the birth of children and their upbringing, joint time, living conditions and material support for the family, cultural leisure and recreation, intimate life in marriage, its regularity and diversity, etc. Often the basis is psychological disharmony is the discrepancy between the partners’ perceptions of the ideal matrimony and the way their real marriage relations are built. Such a discrepancy between idealized fantasies about marriage and the realities of life causes mental discomfort and raises doubts about the correctness of the choice of a spouse. Lazarus presented a number of typical misconceptions about family life. We list some of them: “a couple should do everything together”; “Everything is saved if we have a child”; “Partners cannot have secrets from each other”; “Let’s live together, then I will make a partner to others”; “Who truly loves me, understands me without words”; “Opposites attract”; “Competition between partners revives the marital relationship”; “All work in marriage should be equally divided between brothers”, etc. Such myths create unrealistic expectations in marriage and are a fertile basis for the emergence of marital conflicts, often affecting the intimate sphere.
In the process of sexual intercourse, partners must understand what role behavior they expect from each other. Otherwise, you may be faced with complaints from one spouse that the other “is doing everything wrong” during sexual intercourse. Ss Liebig (1990) proposed a schematic classification of psychosexual types of men and women, which explains one of the important mechanisms for the emergence of harmonious and disharmonious intimate relationships. In accordance with it, the following types of women are distinguished:
1. Female mother. He aspires to guardianship of his partner, enjoys weak, sick, losers. It seeks to protect them, “raise”, encourage, inspire, the weakness and misfortunes of men can be strong sexual irritants. Even anxiety, emotional instability, and the moodiness of a partner are often sexually stimulating for such a woman and can be included in the structure of caresses expected from him.
2. A woman is a woman.
a) Aggressive type. Strives to fight with a partner, first in the usual, and then in sexual intercourse. Mocking, caustic, prone to irony, loves to beat a man. In his affection expects humility, even humiliation, some confusion.
b) Passively subordinate type. She has an ideal of “strong man”, wants to obey, “dissolve” in him, dreams about fantasizing about a man who “takes possession of her”, she prefers aggression, pressure, strength, even pain, in the caresses of men.
3. Woman daughter. The ideal is a man much older than a woman, experienced, strong, and not so much in sexual as in everyday respect. In his presence he feels weak, “small”, and prefers “art”, “knowledge that is higher than strength” in caresses, is prone to psychological stimulating influences (speech, music, etc.).
There are similar types of men:
3. Father man. Elderly, elegant, with a great sexual experience and a well-set voice, is able to speak with enthusiasm. In the caress of a woman appreciates the element of its “return”, weakness, subordination, admiration, “guessing” his desires and needs. His sophisticated affection significantly compensate, perhaps, already low sexual potential of a man.
4. Male to Male.
a) Aggressive type. It is prone to the elements of “violence”, “mastering”, demonstrates in affection the struggle, caressing is rude, sensual, judgments are categorical, sometimes hurt.
b) Passively subordinate type. Inclined to idealize “strong woman”, in her appearance and things she loves the symbols of this strength, authoritarianism, a certain masculinity (sportswear or a strict business suit, high boots, big glasses, men’s hairstyle, etc.). He emphasizes his humiliation, dependence, looking for orders, punishments, reprimands from a woman.
5. Man-son. Independent, subordinate, sometimes unsuccessful, painful, mentally and physically infantile and dependent. It is inclined to imitate others, it can be capricious, mannered. She expects consolation from the woman and motherly tender caresses.
It is obvious that they are well compatible, and, consequently, the most harmonious sexually, for example, a man-father and a woman-daughter or a man of an aggressive type and a woman of a passive-subordinate type. At the same time, it is difficult to expect genuine harmony between a man-son and a woman-daughter or two partners of an aggressive type.
The lack of elementary knowledge about the psychophysiology of male and female sexuality, the sexual norm, its age fluctuations, etc. can be the basis for violations of sexual interaction between partners. Moreover, in contrast to the lack of sexological literature in Soviet times, we are now faced with the phenomenon of the reverse order. The book market is literally overflowing with popular publications on the technique of sex, which, at times, form a very distorted view of the harmony of intimate relationships with the reader. Inadequate stereotypes are imposed on people, for example, two rules of good sex (simultaneous orgasm at both partners and a mandatory change of the clitoral orgasm vaginal), the belief that all men are able to have sexual intercourse for as long as necessary, and women at every coitus should certainly experience violent orgasmic discharge . As a result of this misinformational pressure, which generates inadequate attitudes in the sphere of intimate relationships, people make excessive demands on their own sexuality, sometimes regarding its physiological fluctuations as painful and also inadequately react to possible nuances of sexual intimacy with a partner.
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