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Pathological Disharms

These are dysgamies, which are secondary in nature and are due to existing sexual disorders. For example, erectile dysfunction, premature or difficult ejaculation in men, frigidity, dyspareunia, vaginism in women often lead to the development of sexual disharmony in a couple. With good interpersonal relationships and a wide range of acceptability of the spouses, sexual dysfunction can be largely compensated for by changing the stereotype of sexual intimacy with the active use of various erotic caresses, including petting, which can provide mutual sexual pleasure. However, much more often with dysfunctions of potency in a husband, dysgamy occurs in a pair, which leads to anorgasmia and a gradual decrease in the woman’s libido. Sexual dysfunctions in women, hindering the achievement of sexual satisfaction, often form their negative attitude towards sex, which most negatively affects the intimate life in a marriage. Since this version of the violation of the harmony of intimate relationships is closely associated with pathology – it is often referred to as manifestations of sexual maladjustment of a married couple as a result of sexual disorder in one or both partners.

Prevention of sexual disharmony is to provide the necessary information about the psychophysiology and mental hygiene of sexual life. Of great importance is the correct education in childhood, which allows you to develop an adequate attitude to the manifestations of human sexuality. Thus, the intimately emasculated style of behavior of parents hampers the psychosexual development of her daughter, contributing to her further problems in the partnership. An important role is played by raising the sexual culture of the population. The key to sexual harmony is good interpersonal contact and mutual understanding in a couple. This allows partners to openly discuss all their concerns and produce an “adjustment” of sexual scenarios, taking into account mutual wishes.

W. Masters and W. Johnson (1991) presented a list of recommendations that can help spouses improve their relationship and achieve sexual harmony in marriage:

1. Always remember that good sex begins when you are still dressed. It is about the fact that the atmosphere of the bedroom often depends on what happens outside the bedroom, what are the relations between the partners, whether they are able to express their feelings and create a certain mood with each other.

2. It is worth taking the time to think of yourself as a sexual being. One of the problems that people often encounter is the separation of sex from the rest of life. You should think about your sexual preferences, what determines the excitement, what you like and what you do not like, etc.

3. You should take care of your own sensual and sexual pleasure. To a certain extent, we must ourselves be responsible for what happens to us. It should not be considered that the partner should “provide” all the necessary sensations.

4. Talk about sex with your partner. Surprisingly, but a fact: the secrecy and inability to express feelings in words are observed everywhere in people living for many years together. Often this leads to a misunderstanding of what the partner wants. Petting, conceived with the best intentions, may not reach the goal, not suited to him. All this can be easily corrected in a few words by whispering them on time. But one should not make a critical analysis of what the partner does or does not do immediately after the proximity.

5. Regularly spend free time with your partner. If it is pleasant and easy for you to partner out of bed, then this is an important part of sensual interaction that continues and intensifies in sex.

6. Do not allow sex to become a routine. Sexual dissatisfaction is a direct reflection of the boredom that appears where there is no creativity in sexual relationships. Sex should be a game, not an obligation, a procedure, a routine event.

7. Fantasy – the best aphrodisiac. With the help of fantasy, you can excite and make a variety of sexuality in various ways. Imagination can enhance and inspire sex, if you can share with your partner the stories and features of your sexual fantasies – this is great.

8. Working on sex does not mean working. Not always “hard work” on the sexual problem leads to a positive result. Sex is improved where there is spontaneity and naturalness of feelings and reactions. The role of the analyst and controller of his reactions often impairs sex, there can be no plans, performance percentages, and so on.

9. Do not bring irritation into the bedroom. Not everyone listens to this simple and clear advice, as a result, either sex goes away or turns into a struggle for power and rivalry. Either conflict or sex. Combining these things is not worth it.

10. Good sex is not the result of pressing the right buttons. You can not exaggerate the mechanical aspects of sex at the expense of emotional. This is not a manual for hand-to-hand combat techniques, where mastering the right technique gives the expected effect.

11. Save the share of romance in your life. Attention, appreciation and tenderness are expressed not only in bed. They decorate our whole life.

12. Do not come to sex too seriously. Seriousness, responsibility, guilt, etc. – this is exactly what kills sex. Leave seriousness for other life situations.

13. Views on certain issues of sex from a partner may be different. The unity of opinions and views is achieved already in contact, and is not a condition of the communication itself. Each has its own range of acceptability, and it should not be sharply “broken”.

14. No need to constantly wait to be “in the mood” before agreeing to have sex. It is completely natural to satisfy the partner’s needs, even if you yourself do not feel the sexual mood. In addition, if a partner invites you to intimacy, give yourself a chance to enter an intimate situation – this is often possible.

15. Remember that many other people have sexual problems and difficulties. No need to consider their problems in intimate life unique. All this has happened with many people and will still be with others.

16. Be realistic about your sexual expectations. If you expect ecstasy and unearthly bliss from every sexual contact, then you doom yourself to failure. You cannot be a prisoner of unrealistic expectations. We are people, not perfect mechanisms, and anything can happen to us in life.

The lack of sexual harmony in marriage can lead to a deterioration of the marital relationship and contributes to the formation of psychogenic sexual dysfunctions.

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