A man who does not want and a man who cannot
The sexual life of a person depends on many factors. In order for a man’s sex life to be normal, he needs to have a desire to have intimate relationships (sexual desire) and the possibilities for this (sufficient erection and the ability to perform frictional movements in the vagina for a certain time without ejaculation), that is, normal potency.
Lack of desire for intimacy is called an impairment of attraction. In a simplified version, we can say that such a man “does not want” to engage in sexual relations.
A man who “cannot” suffers from either an erection disorder (impotence) or an ejaculation disorder (premature or delayed ejaculation). Erectile dysfunction and ejaculation can be combined, but there may be a violation of only an erection or only ejaculation.
The decrease or absence of sexual desire may be due, firstly, to the problems of the man himself, and secondly, disharmonious sexual relations with a partner.
Insufficient sexual desire may be associated, in particular, with a delay in psychosexual development, a delay in puberty, transformation of sex-role behavior, as well as an age factor (period of involution).
Grindler believed that the weakening of the sex drive of psychogenic origin (cerebral impotence) occurs in the form of orgasmic impotence and is extremely rare in absolute form.
A decrease in a man’s sexual desire may be caused by his wife’s lack of sexual attractiveness. For example, in a long marriage, when both spouses are already aged, and the wife is overweight, she ceases to take care of herself and does not care about her husband’s imagination. If he does not have the opportunity to acquire a more attractive partner, for example, because of the characteristics of his personality (indecision, self-doubt and his sexual abilities), he continues to live with his wife, but the further, the weaker his sexual desire. In order to force himself to “fulfill his marital duty”, a man must be tuned for a long time, for example, watch erotic or pornographic films or photographs, fantasize on sexual topics. During sexual intercourse, a man creates in his imagination, in erotic fantasies, the image of another, more attractive woman.
Sexual drive disorders American psychiatrists G. Kaplan is conventionally divided into two types:
a) a decrease or absence of sexual desire, characterized by a lack or absence of sexual fantasies and desire for sexual activity,
b) disorders associated with aversion to sexual intercourse, lack of sexual pleasure and avoidance of sexual intercourse.
In the first case, a decrease or absence of sexual desire may be associated with some mental illness or delayed or insufficient sexual development, disorders in the endocrine (hormonal) system.
Some people who have been brought up in extreme severity and instilled in them a negative (negative) attitude toward sex as “sin” or something base, dirty have a decrease in sexual desire and aversion to sexual intercourse. Ascetic education with a contempt for everything “carnal” happens in religious families, among members of some sects.
Aversion to sexual contact arises with many other types of improper upbringing in childhood. For example, this happens in single-parent families where the mother lost her husband early or the parents divorced, and the mother did not marry again, avoiding sexual intercourse with men and instilling her own negative attitude towards sex with her child.
There are also cases when a mother leads a licentious lifestyle, an erratic sex life, gets drunk and has sexual intercourse with random partners in front of her children, and they form an aversion to sex.
As adults, they cannot get rid of the memories of their childhood and do not regard sex life as a natural fusion of two loving people, but as something disgusting, satisfying the most basic needs. If such a man meets in his life a worthy woman who will help him free himself from the wrong belief, then everything can normalize in the future, and the person will have a normal sexual desire. But in some cases, men avoid everything that is associated with sexual activity, and remain single for life.
Aversion to sex life also occurs in cases of sexual abuse of a child in childhood or adolescence.
The reason for the lack of sexual desire may be unconscious fears associated with sex, or fears of their sexual failure. This can lead to the desire to unconsciously or consciously suppress sexual desire and avoid sexual contact in order to protect against these fears.
Decreased or lack of sexual desire may be associated with low mood, depression, anxiety.
Sexual attraction usually weakens after a serious illness or surgery.
Attraction is suppressed when taking certain medications, for example, sleeping pills and sedatives (tranquilizers), which inhibit the activity of the central nervous system, as well as with abuse of these drugs.
A decrease in sexual desire is observed with alcoholism, drug addiction and substance abuse.
Human sexual behavior is not an isolated function of the genital organs, but a consequence of the activity of the individual. Sexual behavior is closely related to character traits, cognitive abilities, volitional decisions and a complex of partner factors.
Of greatest importance in the development of disorders of sexual desire is the person’s personality.
A person’s personality is a complex dynamic structure whose main function is to unite (integrate) cognitive, emotional and motivational mechanisms that regulate the relationship between a person and his environment, as well as maintain a hierarchy of goals and control his own activity. The result of this is not only control of behavior, but also the ability to adapt a person to the environment and to people. Maturity of the personality is manifested in its clear functioning in difficult situations, where a significant role is played by the level of integration of the personality, the ability to control your emotions and the subordination of all side effects and desires to the main aspiration.
The degree of maturity or immaturity of a person is one of the main conditions for the formation of all manifestations of sexuality.
One of the manifestations of immaturity of a person is mental instability, which contributes to the formation of various mental and sexual disorders.
According to K. Imelinsky, not only forms of sexual behavior, but also motivation and sexual attraction itself depend on biological, psychosocial and cultural factors.
The formation of various reactions and forms of sexual behavior is affected by the entire personality of a person, especially the degree of his development and maturity.
An important role is also played by the assimilation of the norms and views of others, which are first adopted from others, and eventually cease to be recognized as such and are perceived by a person as their own views.
Human sexual behavior also changes under the influence of stresses that constantly affect a person. Since sexual activity has not only a physical (biological) component, but also a mental one, the violation of mental activity due to stress factors also affects sexual arousal.