Affiliate Couple – Sexual Success
Partnership concept is based on the principles of interaction. It implies that the partners — man and woman — constitute, as it were, a closed system in which sexual disorders develop, increase or disappear. From these positions, sexopathologists consider both partners as a “patient”, as a whole, which must be treated.
In partnership, the role is played by the personality (attitudes and behavior) of both partners, their interaction, their social roles, as well as a set of norms recognized by society and regulating relations between partners.
Interpersonal relationships consist of an assessment of the partner’s personality, requirements for the partner and feelings experienced towards him.
The specific behavior of the sexual partner is evaluated by the second partner through the prism of his own ideals, ideas, desires and requirements.
The sum of these factors determines the level of acceptability of the partner’s sexual behavior and the degree of satisfaction due to his sexual activity.
An emotional attitude towards a partner is a clear indicator of his attractiveness. This determines the sensory attitude towards the partner, and so-called eperception is important – that is, the response feelings of the partner.
The basic principle on which a creative partnership is based is awareness of each other’s needs and expectations and the desire to satisfy and justify them as much as possible. In such a partnership, a special phenomenon arises – a person is spiritually enriched by what he does for another person – in other words, this is a manifestation of altruism, in this case, sexual.
Based on the concept of a partnership, sex therapists consider selfishness (in this case, sexual) as a sign of deviation (deviation), and even perversion (perversion) on the basis that it not only violates sexual contacts, but also prevents the establishment of deep interpersonal relationships.
Among couples who turn to sex therapists and psychiatrists, complaints about the lack of sexual satisfaction are most common.
According to K. Imelinsky, psychosexual disorders in most cases are “paired,” that is, they develop within the framework of a specific union, a couple including a man and a woman. These violations reflect deviations in a partnership, most often not only in the aspect of psychosexual relations, but also in their entire life together and in the totality of relationships between men and women.
A successful partnership depends on the right choice of a partner of the opposite sex. And here we are talking not so much about the correspondence of the anatomical parameters of the genitals (although psychosexual disturbances can occur on this basis), but about the mental, and especially the emotional correspondence of the partners. The latter is associated with a general assessment of the partner as a person, erotic experiences and the whole complex of sensations and reactions associated with a joint sexual life.
Any shortcomings in the mental, emotional and physical conformity of each other men and women that lead to a violation of the harmony of the sexual life of the partner couple are called sexual disharmony.
Sexual disharmony of a married couple is one of the main reasons for a decrease or lack of sexual desire in one of the partners or both. Most often, sexual impairment due to sexual disharmony occurs in women.
The lack of harmony in mental terms leads to a negative assessment of sexual intercourse by the partner. And if he negatively relates to intimacy, then this is reflected in his words, facial expressions, expression of feelings and sexual behavior during sexual intercourse. This may affect the second partner.
The lack of sexual harmony is expressed in the fact that the partner’s experiences, instead of becoming a strong erotic stimulus for a man, become an erotic brake for him.
As a result of the lack of sexual harmony, there is a decrease in the need for sexual intercourse and desire for intimacy, emotional stress during sexual intercourse, which leads to a decrease in sexual opportunities during sexual intercourse in men – a decrease in erection or a complete lack of erection.
In the process of developing partnership, K. Imelinsky distinguishes 3 phases:
1. If partners have a deep feeling and they maintain erotic attractiveness for each other, and their interpersonal relationships develop favorably, this will contribute to the emergence of vivid emotional experiences during any contacts between partners, especially during sexual ones. In many cases, it is sexual contacts between partners that prevail over all other types of communication.
2. When the period of the initial maximum rise associated with sensuality passes, a decrease in the intensity of erotic emotions between partners occurs.
3. The phase of erotic indifference, during which the partner no longer causes a vivid erotic desire, and often excludes it altogether or even causes unwillingness to enter into any erotic contacts with him. This phase is the result of emotional and psychological changes that occur during a long life together of two people and the replacement of feelings of erotic love with other (positive and negative) feelings.
Of course, the more negative feelings a partner evokes, the more conflicts and mutual misunderstanding between partners, the stronger erotic indifference and the more pronounced the sexual desire disorder.
The decrease or loss of erotic attractiveness (attractiveness) leads to the manifestation of all the above reactions characteristic of the lack of sexual harmony. They can grow gradually, and with the successful selection of partners they can appear only in old age.
And with an unsuccessful selection of a partner and sexual disharmony, the couple begins their sex life immediately from the 3rd phase.
Between these two extreme variants there can be various intermediate variants. For example, the choice of a partner was successful, but family life for some reason developed unfavorably, which accelerated the development of sexual disharmony.
According to the teachings of the Tao of love, the only case when making love can harm a woman, regardless of her age, is if her partner is inexperienced and constantly leaves her unsatisfied. Therefore, the Tao of love regards the satisfaction of a woman as one of his cardinal principles.
The concept of “sexual harmony” has both a physiological and psychological side. This chapter will focus on many issues that affect the normal relationship between men and women.
Sexual and psychological relationships have a double causal relationship – on the one hand, sex affects relationships between partners, and on the other, their interpersonal problems affect their sex lives.
It often happens that sexual disharmony is a kind of side effect of psychological discord between spouses, because of which their intimate life is disturbed, but they themselves believe that the reason for their mutual irritation and dissatisfaction with each other lies in their sexual dissatisfaction.
And it happens the other way around – dissatisfaction with sexual life causes frustration – a sense of mental stress, mental discomfort, and hence family quarrels, small skirmishes that gradually accumulate, and spouses consider their marriage unbearable.
That is, both components of family relationships – psychological and sexual – are closely related and mutually affect each other.
Due to the lack of sexual harmony, many marriages break up. Moreover, the spouses themselves may not even guess about the true reason. A wife who does not experience orgasm and is sexually unsatisfied loses interest in sexual intimacy and begins to shy away from her. The husband is not happy with this. Mutual sexual dissatisfaction manifests itself indirectly in a bad mood, irritability, dissatisfaction with each other, nit-picking. On trifles quarrels and even major scandals arise with mutual accusations. In a quarrel, spouses can recall each other all of their shortcomings and their grievances. And when divorced, it seems to both that the reason for their quarrels is precisely these shortcomings, grievances and conflicts, although the true reason lies in the lack of sexual harmony.